Letters to Nowhere
by Highly Flammable Man
Summary: A series of shorts depicting the meandering course of love, however it may come.
1. An Elegant Chat Under the Stars

It was a mild summer night and despite it being well past curfew Eila was soaking in the outdoor bath, her purple eyes staring blankly up at the night sky. She saw none of the countless stars or the large, pale moon that hung low in the sky as her mind was occupied with thoughts and concerns of, what else, Sanya. She was in such a daze with her thoughts that she didn't hear the soft, padding footsteps of someone approaching from behind her.

"Oh my, I didn't expect anyone else to be here." Said a quiet and somewhat refined voice that was much different than the haughty shriek it had first been when Elia had originally met the girl.

Looking over her shoulder Eila saw Perrine standing behind her, completely naked except for the ribbon that tied her hair up, holding a bottle in one hand and two tumbler glasses in the other.

"Would you mind if I were your company for a while? I'll share a bit of drink with you in return." The blonde offered.

Shrugging and clicking her tongue Eila replied as she turned her gaze back to the sky, "Sure, whatever. Do what you want."

In the past years Perrine had been one of Eila's main targets of teasing and pranks, though she would defend herself by saying that the Gallian invited it upon herself, but ever since Perrine had come back from her stay in her homeland she had been much less annoying. Her thoughts were interrupted again as a glass filled with a honey colored liquid bumped against her arm. She took it without thinking and looked to the one offering who had a similarly full glass in her own hand. A moment later the smell of alcohol gently assaulted Eila's nose and her eyebrow quirked a bit in surprise.

"Didn't take you for the drinking type, Four-Eyes. Is this something a _proper lady _would do?" Eila made no attempt to hide the sarcasm in her words.

Perrine took the jab in stride and replied with a small, confident smile, "A _proper lady_," she mocked Eila's own sarcastic tone, "will be host to many gatherings where the wine flows freely. A strong constitution is a necessity, dear Misfit."

A frown creased the Soumi's face, "Don't call me a misfit." Though a part of her was impressed with how she handled the insult, had Perrine finally learned to fight back effectively?

"Only when you address me properly in turn."

"Eh, not worth it." Eila said looking down into her glass and sniffing the contents, "What is this stuff anyways?"

Laughing lightly Perrine responded, "It is a Gallian liqueur." She drained a third of her glass, "It is very sweet but the finish will leave a bitter taste on your tongue."

Eila's frown deepened, "Super sweet and then leaves you bitter, how fucking prophetic." She threw the glass back like a shot and drained it completely without stopping. "Gah! It's like drinking honey-water and then eating a lemon!" She wiped her mouth with her arm and held out her glass, "Another!"

"Impressive, but do be careful. It is stronger than it tastes." Perrine finished her own glass and then refilled them both.

The silver-haired witch scoffed and rolled her eyes, "The water in Somus is stronger than this stuff." She drank half of her glass quickly and then shook her head and made a noise of mild disgust as the bitterness flooded her mouth, made more pronounced by the extreme sweetness that was just there.

Perrine watched her companion with an amused smile on her face while she leisurely sipped her own drink. "Why do you have such a spiky attitude this evening, little Misfit? Did you have a lover's fight with Sanya?"

Eila's purple eyes lit with anger and her words came out in a growl, "Mind your own business, Four-Eyes."

The Gallian girl's eyes met and held Eila's burning stare as she raised her glass to her lips, letting the sweetness flood her mouth. She held the liqueur until its taste turned sour before swallowing it; this was about to get interesting.

"Ah, I see." Perrine nearly purred, "Not a lover's fight at all because she isn't your lover, is she?" The blonde couldn't help the quiet laugh that came out, "You haven't told her how you feel yet have you?"

Eila violently splashed water into Perrine's face, "Don't you talk to me about that! I'm not the one drooling and yapping over Mio like a miserable little dog!"

Perrine calmly finished her drink, which was fortunately spared from the bath water, and calmly set her glass and her glasses on the edge of the bath. "No, you are the one baring your teeth and barking at anyone who looks at Sanya with no intention of mentioning your own feelings to her." She sighed and wiped the remaining water from her face, "And if you must know, I have gotten over my disappointingly childish obsession with Mio."

The Soumi girl's anger faded from boiling to simmering and she turned away from the other girl though there was still barbs in her voice, "Not like you have much of a choice, Minna snatched her up. You want to talk to me about telling Sanya I love her like you're better than me or something but you were the same way with Mio and now she's eating sauerkraut every night."

"You can't learn from that, Eila?" Perinne asked while refilling both of their glasses, "From what I hear you're sitting at a fully spread table every night and starving yourself. Who is to say that someone won't snatch your precious Sanya away from you?"

"Like who?" Suspicion tinged Eila's voice.

Perrine leaned in close suddenly making sure their eyes were locked then gave a devilish grin, "I think she might like to try some fine Gallian cuisine."

Eila's cheeks turned red at both Perrine's words and her sudden closeness, "Shut up, you're not after Sanya. And could we stop talking in stupid metaphors?" She half-heartedly splashed water at the other girl.

Perrine giggled and sat back, "You are right, I am not after Sanya. There is another girl I believe I have my eyes on."

A questioning noise from Eila met no response but she didn't push the matter further at the moment. The atmosphere quickly cooled off and the two sat in silence for a few minutes tending to their drinks and their own thoughts.

"I...I'm sorry I yelled at you and splashed you and everything." Eila said quietly as she rolled her empty glass between her hands.

"Don't fret over it too much. I have acted in much the same manner many times in the past." Perrine replied.

Silence descended on the two once again. Perrine could feel the alcohol blush begin to heat her face and the pleasant buzz that accompanied it. There was only a quarter of the bottle left; the blond smirked at that. She wasn't sure if Eila drank hard or not with all of her boasting but she could see a blush on the Soumi girl's face as well.

"Hey, what does Gallian food taste like anyways?" Eila asked, turning toward Perrine.

Perrine sat up, put on a seductive look, and leaned over until their shoulders were touching. With a husky voice she replied, "Very rich."

Eila stared open-mouthed at Perrine who was doing her best to keep up her come-hither stare. Then the two of them burst into laughter loud enough to echo back. They both put their hands over their mouths in an attempt to muffle the noise lest they wake someone up and get in trouble for breaking curfew and drinking. After a few minutes they calmed down and were able to breathe properly again.

"Holy shit, Four-Eyes! That is the cheesiest thing I've ever heard!" Eila punched her shoulder in a friendly manner.

Perrine nodded, wiping tears from the corners of her eyes, "Yes, though I suppose I am not so rich anymore." She punctuated her statement with a slight sigh.

"Huh? What do you mean? Aren't you like a princess or something?" Eila asked while splitting the last of the bottle between their glasses.

"Ah, no. I am not royalty or anything grandiose like that. I was born into a noble family, and while my family certainly had money and a certain amount of political influence we possessed no actual power." After a moment of hesitation she continued, "Though I suppose none of that holds true anymore. I have sold much of the Clostermann estate and family heirlooms to help aid the reconstruction and I am the only one of the family left."

Eila was speechless, what was she supposed to say to all of that? She hadn't expected such a tragic backstory. Had she really been dealing with all of that since she was fifteen? Maybe Eila could forgive her for being unsociable and bratty back then; if the same thing had happened to her she would have probably lashed out at anything that moved and wound up in prison. She really only had one question for the girl.

"Why are you still here? Still fighting? We were all offered retirement after the last time we were disbanded."

Eila herself was still in the fight because Orussia was still split in half by the Neuroi and she had sworn to stay by Sanya's side until the country was liberated.

"_Noblesse oblige_. Even I still have my pride as the daughter of a noble family, even if that is just an empty title now." She offered the obviously concerned girl a gentle smile that said she shouldn't be worrying about her.

"Perrine–

"Ah, still not my name, Misfit." She cut Eila off and stuck out her tongue.

"What? Yeah it is, your name is Perrine." Eila responded slightly confused.

"That is more of a nickname, you know." She turned to fully face Eila, "My name is Pierrette-Henriette Clostermann," she took Eila's hand out of the water and lifted it to her lips, "it is truly my pleasure to make your acquaintance, Miss Eila Ilmatar Juutilainen."

Blushing to the tips of her ears Eila slipped her hand away and weakly splashed at Perrine, "St-stop it, you dork." And then under her breath, "Stupid Four-Eyes..."

Laughing, Perrine returned to sitting normally, "I never thought I would see you so flustered. I am glad I could see that face of yours."

Eila grumbled and squirmed; there was a strange feeling in the pit of her stomach now. It wasn't unpleasant she just wasn't used to feeling it. It made her slightly uncomfortable. "Hey you said you got your eye on someone else now, right? So who is it?"

Smirking to herself, Perrine let Eila change the subject, "A proper lady does not discuss such matters so freely."

"Aw, come on, who is it? Lynette?" Eila prodded Perrine's shoulder with a finger.

Perrine shook her head, "No, though she did become a good friend to me while she stayed with me in Gallia I do not see her in such a way. Sweet girl though."

"Ummm, Yoshika?" The Soumi girl guessed.

"Really? That's your next guess? Well, I suppose the whole 'former rival' thing, but no, dear Misfit, that ball of unrelenting sunshine does not have my eye."

"Minna!"

"Oh you aren't even trying at this point." Perrine gave her a playful shove on the shoulder.

Giggling Eila went on to her next guess, "Barkhorn!"

Perrine's alcohol blush turned a deeper shade and she held up her thumb and finger a short distance apart, "A little bit a while ago."

"Are you serious? Barkhorn? Miss Proper Soldier?" Eila shouted, grabbing the slightly surprised Gallian.

"Are _you_ serious?" Perrine shouted, grabbing Eila by the waist in turn, "Have you not seen her in the showers? That woman has the body of a Goddess!"

Eila threw her hands in the air, "I know!"

"Though she isn't the one I have my eye on I must confess that I still enjoy the view she provides." Perrine said while slowly releasing the slender Soumi girl's waist.

Eila tapped her chin, "Who else? Who else?"

"You realize that even if you did name the correct person I would deny it, right?" Perrine asked, resting her chin on the back of her hand.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. It was fun though, and it's good to know I'm not the only one checking out Barkhorn in the shower. Just be sure you tell the girl this time, don't want her to get stolen away." Eila bumped Perrine's shoulder with her own and her head fell with it, heavy with drink, settling into the crook of the girl's neck. It took a long few moments for her to right herself.

"Oh, I will. As soon as I can confirm my own feelings the girl will definitely know. Until then I will continue to pursue her." A slash of a grin cut through her face, "You do the same as well, a noble girl fights fair after all."

Eila cocked her head and her brow furrowed; she wasn't quite sure what Perrine meant by that. Eh, just probably more of her fancy-girl talk. Perrine stood up and collected the empty bottle and glasses, only wobbling slightly as she did so.

"As much as I have enjoyed this I am afraid that it is time for me to retire, I have morning duty after all. Shall we do this again sometime, my dear Misfit?" She asked while stepping from the bath.

Eila looked over her shoulder at the Gallian, much as she did when this whole thing started though this time her eyes lingered a bit on her naked form. "Yeah, sure, Four-Eyes. It was pretty fun and you have some good booze." She glanced at the position of the moon. "See you in a few hours."

Perrine padded back off to the changing room and Eila turned her eyes back to the night sky with an unusual feeling squirming inside of her. It seemed like the time in Gallia away from everyone had matured the girl quite a bit. She had a sense of humor now, she could go back-and-forth with the jabs, and damn could she drink. A small smile crept to Eila's face, it really had been a good time and her foul mood had been lifted. There was just one thing that was bothering her, a question finally forcing itself through the alcohol haze. If Perrine hadn't expected anyone else to be here then...

"Why did she bring two glasses?" Eila asked no one but the night.


	2. A Promise of Chocolate

It wasn't that Erica Hartmann was lazy, she just didn't see the merits of constantly cleaning her side of the room when the next time she sortied could be her death. Sure she would make a half-hearted attempt at it whenever Minna made it an order or when Trude got legitimately annoyed with her and threatened to start chucking everything into the incinerator. Even then, Erica couldn't view cleaning her room as anything other than (mostly) a waste of time. It didn't help that she was always tired; she hadn't gotten a full night of sleep since her early days in the JG52.

She had always been a light sleeper but it had gotten worse since she had joined the military, her body now waking her to the slightest sounds. Erica also tossed and turned frequently which usually left her to wake in strange positions stripped of her undershirt or panties (or both). So every morning when Gertrud gave her the first gentle call to wake up she heard it but knew that she could squeeze in another thirty minutes in bed before being physically pulled out of bed and dumped into her uniform by her best friend. Not that she really minded that either; she was greedy for any attention she could get from the bigger girl.

This morning was no different and when she heard, "It's 0600 Erica, time to wake up." She mumbled and turned to face the wall to hide the small smile on her face, their game had started. She actually did begin to doze again, falling into that sweet haze of sleep but still distantly aware of Trude moving about on the other side of the room.

"Erica." The sound of her name brought her back from the brink of sleep. "You need to get out of bed and get dressed, we have morning duty today." Gertrud was still using her gentle voice, giving Erica the benefit of doubt and not yet forced to start yelling in order to rouse the blonde from her bed.

Erica mumbled again and twisted around under the blanket. Now facing Trude she opened an eye and saw that the girl was, of course, already fully dressed and looking ready to head out. "Nhh, thirty more minutes." Erica whined.

"No, Erica, you need to get up now, we have to go into town today." Gertrud's voice beginning to rise in warning.

"Two more hours." Erica sounded as if she were pouting but she had pulled the blanket up to cover the grin on her face.

Trude snorted, "You can't be serious."

"Five more minutes."

Gertrud now stood at the Siegfried Line, hands on her hips, "Zero more minutes. Now get up or I'm going to drag you out of bed by your ankles."

The smaller girl moaned in protest but finally sat up. She liked these moments of back-and-forth; it was like they were both playing a game that either refused to acknowledge. It was fun and she knew Gertrud enjoyed it as well, even if the serious girl would endure torture rather than admit it. "If we're going into town can we go to the candy store?"

"You're not going anywhere if you don't get out of bed and get dressed." Trude dead panned as she watched the blond slowly extract herself from her blanket.

Finally on her feet Erica began to search for her panties which had disappeared from her body at some point and into the abyss that was her side of the room. Though out of the corner of her eye she could see Trude blush and turn her head away; that made her smile. "So we can go, right? I want–

"Oh no," Gertrud faced Erica again, the girl had to be stopped now. "You can get one chocolate bar, no more than that." She said sharply and forced her vision to remain on Erica's top half.

"Aw, c'mon Trude." Erica whined as she tugged her (finally found) panties back on, "Let me get at least a few." She picked her way across the disaster area that was her floor and stood in front of Trude, separated only by the fencing that divided the room. "I'll buy some for you too. I know how much you love cordial cherries." She put on her best pout and pleading eyes and watched as Gertrud's face flushed. She was so cute!

The brown haired girl had to look away before it was too late, she had lost to that look too many times in the past and no matter how many times it was used against her she always found herself into giving in to Erica and whatever she wanted. "Absolutely not! Chocolate is too expensive because of rationing as it is and if I let you have more than one you'll eat yourself sick. Just like last time. You can have _one_ and you can only eat it _after _dinner."

"But–

"Keep it up, Hartmann," Trude's eyes locked and broke past the (beautiful) pleading blue of Erica's, "and the only candy you'll be getting is that nasty stuff Eila likes so much."

Erica recoiled physically at the memory of tasting the vile candies that the Soumi girl could happily eat an entire box of. "How does she eat that stuff? Is she even human? ...Are we sure she isn't a Neuroi in disguise?"

Barkhorn laughed and shook her head, "Eating candy that tastes like salt and floor polish makes me question her sense of taste but I don't think it makes her a Neuroi. Now finished getting dressed."

Leaving Erica to rummage through the piles of clothes on her floor, Gertrud walked back over to her mirror to give herself a final once over. She had already anticipated that Erica would want to go by the candy store, and probably the book store as well, and had budgeted time for it already. She knew that spoiling the girl like this did nothing to help Erica's less-than-serious attitude, but it was one of the few things Barkhorn could do for her. She couldn't give Erica what she really wanted, not at the moment, so she made up for it by buying things for her and giving in to her requests, at least the more reasonable ones.

Gertrud's thoughts were interrupted as Erica's arms slipped around her from behind and she felt the smaller girl's head rest against her back. A bolt of fear shot through her and her first instinct was to quickly pull away but she managed to still herself; this little bit was alright to have, wasn't it? Gertrud rested her hands on top of Hartmann's and the two stayed like that for a long quiet moment.

"Thank you." Erica said softly and slipped from the hug.

Gertrud turned with a sad and almost pained look on her face but then she saw Hartmann's state of dress and a small smile came to her face, "I swear Hartmann..."

Erica grinned as Trude went about straightening out her uniform coat; making sure it was sitting on her shoulders correctly and picking stray lint and hair from it. This was something else she enjoyed, being fussed over like this by Gerturd.

"Are you going to wear your hat today?" Barkhorn asked, trying to smooth down a lock of Erica's hair that was doing its best to defy gravity.

"Eh?" Erica made a confused noise. Her _Schirmmutze_ cap was technically only required for formal dress occasions, "Are one of us getting a medal today or something?" It was completely possible, she had forgotten about several of her own medal ceremonies in the past.

Barkhorn shook her head, "No, I just...uh..." a blush rose high on her cheeks and just the tips of her ears, which Erica found adorable, "I just think...it looks really good on you. That's all." By the time she had finished speaking her voice was almost inaudible and her blush had turned bright red.

Erica giggled and felt her own cheeks flush lightly at the compliment, "Okay Trude, I'll wear it for you. ...If I can find it."

Gertrud sighed and shook her head though the corner of her lips were hooked upward in a tiny smile, "What am I going to do with you, Erica?"

"Ask for my hand." Erica replied in a suddenly serious voice absent of any of her usual playfulness.

A pit opened up inside of Gertrud, one that drained any color from her face and filled her with a cold fear. She knew how serious Erica was in saying that and that is why she couldn't respond to it. So she took the cowardly way out as she always did and simply ignored it. "Hu-hurry and finish getting ready." Her voice shaking she had already turned away from Hartmann and was headed for the door, "I'm g-going to bring the truck around front, okay?"

She didn't wait for a response before escaping into the hallway. Erica stared as the door shut behind the girl she loved and let out a heavy sigh. Why were things like this when they both knew how they felt?

Walking briskly, Gertrud was halfway to the vehicle depot when she had to top and lean against a wall. She clutched at her chest and felt her heart beating faster than it did even when she was in direct combat with a Neuroi. Nothing else on Earth made her heart race like Erica Hartmann. But how could she tell the girl that she loved her when she herself was so weak? How could she tell her that she wanted to be at her side forever as her lover when she wasn't even strong enough to bear Erica's burden in this war so she'd never have to risk her life fighting again?

How could she ask for Erica's hand when she couldn't offer her their homeland to go back to? Gertrud was strong, perhaps one of the strongest witches ever, but it still wasn't enough. She didn't have the strength alone to destroy enough Neuroi to keep Erica safe and on the ground and she hadn't had the strength back then to prevent Karlsland from becoming a smoldering ruin. The Neuroi had taken everything from her and she had never been strong enough to stop it. Her family and her home were both gone, save for her little sister, and she was sure that Chris blamed her for it even if the little girl would never say it out lout.

So she trained her body and mind every day. She _would_ become the strength needed to make sure nothing was ever taken from her again. She _would_ become strong enough to ensure Erica's complete safety so that one day she could look at her beloved's angelic face and be able to tell her what she so desperately needed to say and what Erica so desperately wanted to hear. Until then though she couldn't. She had no right to say such a selfish thing while being too weak to bear everything herself. Until then she would live with the pain of hurting them both by being silent. After the war was over she could spend her life happily with Erica and make that pain up by a thousandfold, right? Erica would still be able to smile at her once this was all over, right?

Nothing scared Gertrud Barkhorn more than loving Erica Hartmann.

Later that morning she bought Erica _two_ chocolate bars.


	3. Short Morning

Stupid Four-Eyes. Why had she gone and done something like _that_? Eila lay in her and Sanya's shared bed in the early morning light, biting her pillow in frustration. It had been another late night meet up with Perrine in the bath when Eila had asked, spurred on by that first meeting, if she was indeed the one the Gallian had her eye on. And what had been the reply? "Yes, my dear Misfit." Spoken simply and cooly as if she were commenting on the weather. She hadn't even hesitated! How could she admit something like that so easily?

It wasn't fair for Perrine to confess to her when she fought with herself daily over telling Sanya how she felt, and to top it off the blond had went on to act as if she hadn't said anything at all. For some reason that frustrated Elia more, to be told something like that as if it didn't matter. Shouldn't Perrine have blushed cutely and stammered her words or something?

Still though it wasn't as if their nighttime encounters were unpleasant, and despite the awkwardness the sudden confession made her feel, there was a part of her that looked forward to the time spent with the Gallian girl. It was also kind of nice to know that someone felt that way about her especially since her own love was a secret, and unrequited, one.

Ah! No! What was she thinking? She did _not_ like Perrine that way! Four-Eyes was just someone to talk to on sleepless nights; during the day around others they still barely spoke to one another. Eila would just have to tell the girl that she wasn't interested, that the only one for her was Sanya.

As if on cue the sound of the door opening softly drew Eila's attention and in padded a half-asleep Sanya. A strange wave of guilt washed over Eila as she watched the Orussian shedding clothes on her way to their bed. Why was she feeling like that? It wasn't as if she were betraying Sanya by hanging out with someone while she was away and Sanya wasn't...wasn't even her's to begin with. That thought stung somehow more than it usually did.

The night witch fell face first into her pillow and was asleep within seconds. Eila simply stared at her, taking in her beauty in the pale morning light. How frustrating it was to be this close to her and completely unable to those words that seemed to be forever perched on her tongue. How frustrating it was to have someone easily speak them to her. Her quiet suffering was solely the fault of her own silence, she knew, but she couldn't help it.

No! She could do this! If Perrine could randomly confess to her in the bath then she could tell Sanya how she felt in the bed they shared.

"Sanya, I–" As she started one emerald green eye opened slightly and fixed its gaze on her, strangling the words in her throat.

Unable to force any sound past her lips Eila watched uselessly as the semi-open eye slid back shut. Once again she had failed. Just like she always did. With a heavy sigh she laid back down to stare at the ceiling, and found herself bitterly whispering words she hadn't uttered in over a year.

"Just for today, alright?"


End file.
